I mentioned in my previous post, Living Worthy of the Boy You Will Someday Marry, that many fathers pedestalize their daughters, just for the fact that they are girls. Pedestalizing women is nothing more than creating false idols, which is obviously sinful.
Pedestalizing is damaging to both men and women. For example, “conservative christians” do not believe that women sin when they seek out abortions. So, somehow it is not okay to kill one of God’s children, but if you have a vagina, you can certainly hire someone else to kill one of God’s children. Just as David sent Bathsheba’s husband off to get slaughtered to hide his sexual sins, women send their innocent kids off to the slaughter to hide their sexual sins. Today we are to believe that just because a person has a vagina, that they can murder, but David, who has a penis, has been sent to outer darkness for doing the same thing.
The manosphere has a lot of articles about pedestalization, so I wanted to talk about it more in the context of how Mormon culture pedestalizes women, and how to not do it.
First, let’s get to the root at why men pedestalize women in the first place. Men are visual creatures, and when they see a women that is somewhat attractive, their brain releases a few chemicals (dopamine and adrenaline) that are designed to cause that man to try and mate with her. Because men have been brainwashed with blue pill principles since birth, they believe that being nice to her will increase their chances of successfully mating. Thus, they seek to pedestalize women.
Unfortunately, the hind brain or instinctual part of the brain does not differentiate whether or not mating with a women would be a good idea. The frontal lobe decides that. Therefore, when a man sees a cute girl he gets a shot of some feel good chemicals. For most men, their frontal lobe (the thinking part of the brain) kicks in and says, “Your married idiot!” and the man quickly adjusts his plans. However, he seldom adjusts his “be nice cause she’s hot” attitude.
Even girls as young as babies can cause these chemicals to get released. Having a few cute daughters, I have had several men creep me out. Seeing a grown man come up to of one of my baby daughters (10 months old) and start trying to get her attention is really weird, especially since these same man never sought for the attention of my baby sons. Even though these men are married with daughters of their own, they can’t resist a pretty little girl. Most men’s frontal lobes will quickly dismiss the thought of mating with a little girl, but that doesn’t mean the instinctual part of their brain hasn’t release any feel good chemicals. Thus, men will still try to seek out positive attention from whatever female released those chemicals.
Once the chemicals get released, men will start to act differently towards these girls. And, since girls have been getting this special treatment from men since birth, they quickly learn how to use it as a tool to get what they want. Add on the fact that in the last 30-40 years, all men have been conditioned to be good beta boys, and you get full fledge pedestalization of women. Good beta boys think that being nice to a cute girl will get them a chance to mate with her, when in reality it destroys their chances.
One thing that happens in church talks, is that men praise their wives, ie. the “she’s my better half,” or “I couldn’t have accomplished what I did without her.” When general authorities say this, I actually think they are telling the truth and that it is praise that the women well deserves. The women they married 40+ years ago were feminine in nature and supported the husband. She probably was a stay-at-home mom, who cooked and cleaned. They were also raised by a father that taught them not to gossip,to dress modestly, and how to repent and become a better person. Since most general authorities are men who have led successful lives, it goes to say that they probably made a good choice when they married as well.
However, this has a trickle down effect that causes men who didn’t marry good wives or mothers to praise them, just because they are a woman. I have seen men praise their selfish, gossiping, wife who spends all of her time on Facebook instead of taking care of the kids, hardly cooks dinner or cleans, constantly nags the husband to do stuff for her, etc. Then he gets up in testimony meeting, and pedestalizes his “glorious” wife, probably because she let him have sex with her 2 times a year in the past year.
Worse yet, pedestalization causes fathers to let their daughter get away with stuff, like dress immodestly, get unlimited access to i
ndoctrination devices phones and social media, etc. I have even noticed, that most girls at college have beta orbiters that do their homework for them tutor them. Every time I see a guy doing a girls homework tutoring a girl I just want yell at him “She’s not going to have sex with you, kiss you, date you, etc. She thinks you are a nerd, but knows that because she is pretty you will do just about anything for her.”
So, men need a plan to not pedestalize women. First of all, men need to realize that women will not reward your nice behavior with sex. In fact, being overly nice kills any attraction she might have had for you. It is a display of low value, if you are always bending over backwards for a women. From her point of view, you look desperate.
Secondly, you cannot avoid the chemicals that girls release in your brain whenever you see them, but you can use them to your advantage. When you see a pretty girl, enjoy the free chemical rush she gives you, then recognize what your brain is doing. Use the chemical rush to remind you what the best course of action should be. Remember, being nice works against you.
Women will never respect a man who can’t control the hormones inside his brain. Cute girls know they have power to control men’s brain with their looks, which is one reason why they dress immodestly. Dressing immodestly increases their chances of getting what they want. Just imagine what a really hot girl will think when her “special power” has no effect on you.
Hopefully, this will help you to stand up to your wife’s unreasonable requests, allow you to call women to repentance when they need it, and not let vaginas rule your life.
One last note of caution, don’t be unreasonably rude to girls just because they released some chemicals in your brain. Being mean is acting different, which still shows you are affected by her beauty. The goal should be to act indifferent, meaning your not going to give them special attention, either good or bad.